Friday, 4 December 2015

Battling Low Self Esteem


This is actually quite a scary post for me to write because its something that I've always been a bit in denial about. I deliberated whether to write it, because I wasn't sure it would be something people would want to hear about, but as this is a 'lifestyle blog' I guess it seems kinda relevant. 

I think, if I'm honest, that my self esteem is something I've always battled with. Despite appearing outwardly confident, in lots of ways I'm the polar opposite, and can spend hours over-analysing everything I've said and done in any given situation. 
It's something that I think has become more apparent in the last few years, I've found myself unable to cope with things as well as I 'should' have done, which in turn has made me feel ashamed, and manifested itself in a lack of self esteem.


It's quite hard to describe what low self esteem really feels like, but I guess its like looking in the mirror and seeing that you look quite nice, but still believing that you don't, which for me then makes me think that I'm not good enough, and highlights my flaws....you get the picture. I've been known to sit and obsess over photos to the point where I can make myself feel really upset and critical. 

Low self esteem is something that can affect so many areas of your life - from mood, to relationships, to career. The quote above is from 'The Perks of Being a Wallflower' and it really resonates with me. I suppose I've always found myself drawn to people who aren't necessarily interested in commitment and are uncomfortable with the idea of being with one person long term. That feeling of insecurity then takes over "why would they want me anyway? why wouldn't they cheat on me?" and I find myself being jealous, suspicious and putting up walls. I drive myself and others around me crazy with my obsessive and irrational questioning, and it's all borne from a deep rooted fear that I don't deserve any better.

Some people blame others for everything that goes wrong in their lives, whereas people with low self esteem do the opposite and instead believe they're to blame for everything. 
Throughout my life I've shouldered the blame for many things I wasn't responsible for, in order to avoid confrontation. 

I always worry far too much about what others think of me, and have shied away from certain things because I've believed that I wouldn't be good enough. Personally, I mostly find I have trouble acknowledging my successes and instead naturally highlight my failures. 
Blogging is something I'm really passionate about, but my lack of self-confidence is the reason why I don't publicise my blog at all (if you do follow me you'll notice I don't link my blog to any of my social media accounts) because I'm too afraid that people will laugh at me or criticise me.

In a nutshell - I find it really hard to love myself.

If deep and meaningful posts are too much for you, you might have given up by now. But if you have read this far, I can say that it's been quite therapeutic to finally admit that this is something I really struggle with.

Do you suffer from low self-esteem? Or do you have any tips in overcoming it?

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10 comments

  1. Aw Lucy *hug* I am the very same. I really am my own worst critic and regardless of the fact that I know I shouldn't - I really care what other's think of me. It got so bad that I ended up in the hospital. It sucks, and I still suffer with low self esteem unfortunately. I wish there was a pill we could take to fix something, or better yet a magic wand we could swish! One tip that might help is that every day you write 3 (or start of with even one) positive things about yourself. Yes, I know it's hard, trust me, I KNOW. But things like... I'm good at remembering people's birthdays. Or I make a killer cup of tea. Or I make so and so smile. Start off simple. Good luck!

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    1. Thanks for your lovely words Miriam, I'm sorry you've gone through the same thing! Onwards and upwards for both of us though hopefully, and that's a great tip - I'll give it a go!

      Lucy x

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  2. This is such a brave post, and I really commend you for writing it. You've no doubt helped so many people by just sharing your story! I used to have self esteem when I was really ill with anorexia, but once I began recovering, I realised that I matter - and so do you. We all do, and we are allowed to like ourselves without being labelled arrogant or bigheaded. You are clearly a wonderful person, you just need to believe it too xxx

    Sam // Samantha Betteridge

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    1. Thanks for your kind words Sam, they really mean a lot to me! I'm glad to hear you're doing so much better now

      Lucy x

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  3. This is a really amazing and brave post hun. I agree with all the above. I have BDD and I'm awful at myself, no matter what I look like I can see a flaw and that flaw will ruin my whole day. I never feel good enough and I'm always thinking that people are looking at better. It's so sad but I just can't help it. Along with learning to love myself I am getting there and so will you. It takes time but I promise it will get better!

    Fix Me In Forty Five - A Beauty & Lifestyle Blog
    Blog Lovin' // Instagram
    xx

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    1. Thanks Stacey, that's lovely! I'm sorry to hear you've been feeling the same way, hopefully with time we'll both get there.

      Lucy x

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  4. I totally get you, girl. So glad you decided to write this post as writing down about a problem lessens it, if not ends it completely. I have been battling with low self-esteem, too. Especially when I have to attend huge social events where I'd be meeting people from all walks of life and it often makes me question myself whether I'm good enough to be with them. It's super sad, but I feel good after actually going through it.
    I hope you'll get through it soon. You're worth more than other's words. If they don't value you, they don't deserve you at all!!!!

    Noor | Noor's Place

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    1. Thanks Noor, your kind message meant so much to me. I'm sorry to hear you've been through similar but glad to hear you're getting through it.

      Lucy x

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  5. When you described the 'looking in the mirror' part I was like: yup that's me. I have gotten better though. I still have my moments where I overthink everything in my life and there are moments where I just don't care. The overthinking part happens more often than the don't care part though. I was also really afraid to link my blog up to my social media pages. I even interned at a blog once and I was still afraid that people would think having my own blog was weird. Then I was like: okay I love blogging, so why not share it with the world? Some friends had no idea that I did this and everyone has been really positive. With other things I find it a bit more difficult though, but day by day I think it's getting better. I think writing and talking about it really helps. You always think you are the only one, but that's just not the case. I hope you are feeling a bit better and if you ever need someone to talk to. I'm here :).

    X Marjolein
    http://misscocoblue.blogspot.com

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    1. Aww thanks Marjolein that's lovely and means a lot to me. The feeling is mutual if you ever feel the same :)

      Lucy x

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