Tuesday, 23 August 2016

When Self Doubt and Inadequacy Creeps In


Lately, I've been finding it really hard to muster the enthusiasm to blog, which is very unlike me as whatever else seems to be going on in my life, this little space is an outlet and sanctuary for me and I usually find writing really therapeutic.
At the moment, my mind hasn't been a very happy place; in general I'm still able to get through the day normally, laughing, working, catching up with friends etc. But my thoughts have been getting me down, and as a chronic over-thinker at the best of times, this usually isn't very good for me.

I think it's fair to say that recently I've been struck with the realisation that my life hasn't actually turned out the way I envisioned it. At all. And I'm also well aware that the only person who can turn this around is myself. But sometimes, it's really hard to get yourself out of a rut of critical thoughts. 

My mind seems to be a battlefield of late, erring somewhere between the grudging acceptance that no, this isn't how I thought my life would be and maybe I should just come to terms with that; and the other, quite petulant voice that moans "but whyyyyyy" (in a very sulky teenager way)

All around me friends are planning weddings, babies, travels etc, and I feel like I have a flashing siren on my head that says "nope, not me" This kind of mindset can easily make me feel inadequate, self-critical and self-conscious, and like I'm not good enough at work, relationships, and life in general. My little 'achievements' seem silly and inconsequential to me.

But then from nowhere (well actually from my horoscope, as cheesy as that may sound) came this gem, which I REALLY needed today:

Don't underestimate your abilities and experience.
You can be proud of all you have accomplished, of all you are currently attempting and of all your hopes for the future.
Your ideals and aspirations are beautiful, and your opportunities, whilst not absolutely perfect, are there to be taken. 
If anything can stop you from accomplishing your desires, it is only in your choice of the correct path to proceed.
But in the glow, your recent insights ought not to be doubted.

And just like that, my spirits lifted a little and the urge to blog returned. 
Maybe sometimes, the signs and messages are there, hiding and just waiting to be discovered at the right moment.


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