Sunday, 30 October 2016

When It's Over

It doesn't matter how much you prepare yourself for an inevitability; the pain can still cut you like a knife. The shock can still momentarily take your breath away.
It's never easy accepting a future that you thought was a given is never going to happen. 
Even after the initial startling pain subsides, the grieving starts. The grieving of being robbed of a future you'd hoped and dreamed about.

When you fall in love, it's both beautiful and terrifying. 
Leaving yourself open to such vulnerability can be one of the scariest things you'll ever do. 
Even while you're living in the moment and enjoying the ride, there's a voice that says "but what if they leave" and you push that voice away, you drown it out with fantasies and hope. With silly things like picturing your new signature, the signature that you should have known you'd never write.
But sometimes you can't drown it out.

You feel like your heart is in tatters, lying in slithers like scissors slicing through ribbons. 
The shiny memories that seemed once to glow with a photoshopped intensity suddenly lose their sheen. 
Those memories become hard to think about. 

Time's a healer, they say, 
It eventually gets easier. 

But suddenly daily conversations fade away, and you have to adjust to a day that isn't peppered with familiar messages, sometimes sent out of habit, sometimes sent because they're the only person you want to share them with.
Before you know it it's been a week.


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